home-ness

it's my 4th day at home already.. been trying to contact a few old time friends but none available for me till tues (my princess ling siew!).. sad case.. but today is a happy day!

woke up at 11am today which is rare for me as i can seldom sleep pass 9am in Singapore, even i slept at 5am i still woke at 8sth, wtf. breakfast was fried kuey teow, accompanied by newspaper which is also a rare occurrence in Singapore. it feels good really, to enjoy life 10 times less hectic back at home.

then at about 12noon, quan came pick me up. We went for lunch before our SUPPOSED facial appointment which he chicken out last minute cos he's afraid of the pain of extraction -.-. see what a football player who always sprain his ankles say.

the best mee rebus ever! and the tiramishu my mom made (The glass between our bowls)

i made him drove 45 mins from his home for my facial appointment =P

see the lazy look LOL

some people asked me, do i prefer singapore to malaysia? most people would probably think singapore. i mean, what not to love about singapore? it's peaceful, it's modern, it's advanced, it's clean and it can be many things. but my say is, i could never not love malaysia. it's my home, it gives me peace of mind, it can not be many things, but it is always my home =)

~i dont want to be sad cos it's not sexy, i dont wan to feel angry cos it tires me, i refused to be part of your depression cos life is a lot more than that, i don't wan to feel sorry cos i tell myself to try and i tried~

continuee

day3
went to vivo city again..LOL.. u all know i like vivo city larr.. quan also likes it there he told me.. hehe.. we only stopped by to buy some of my stuff, and had a drink in coffee bean then off we went to cityhall to dine with my sis, and later at night we went to the Boolie's bar which is just behind my hostel.

in coffee bean

in ding tai fong, #take 6.. LOL

the boolie's

LOL. me with 2 different slippers, had a huge laugh when i realised it in the bar..

day 4
went to bugis for street shopping and esplanade area for a romantic night walk. i don't have any picture with me 0.o.. but it wasn't so romantic when u had to walk from 2pm to 10pm.. haha.. it was a happy walk though.

day 5
the big day. went marina square and city link mall and later dine in thai express cos we both love spicy food. darl bought me this beautiful dress which i dont have a pic of. and i bought a topshop cap-.-! kinda stupid.. but we like it very much.

see the cap looks so pretty right??? it's a man's cap though.. haha

our spicy anniversary dinner, doesn't look very appetizing in pic though cos we only remember to snap picture in the middle of digging in

the fountain of wealth which i think will bring us alot of wealth in the near future.

day 6
the last time. 2 of us, 1 trolley, the rain and a room full of stuff. we shifted my stuff to another hostel room which was like 20 blocks away. a very good workout. am sure we look very stupid tht day but heck.. it's a roomfull of thingss and we manage to move all in one go. and yea. we went to vivo city AGAIN. had a box of donut and chili cheese fries. and rush to take bus at night.the zara shoes i manage to persuade him not to buy now but wait for the great sales. -.- normally girls should be the shopaholic right?? but he is worse than me.. LOL

ohh ohh ohh.. there's this very interesting picture i wan to share.. teeheehee..
LOL LOL LOL!! so sexy isnt it..

there! our honeymoon anniversary. it's been a year with ups and downs. it's amazing we manage to pull through.

the first rose

singapore regains its fun

6 days and 5 nights have just passed. the little island has not appealed to me as much for a very long time. it has been great with quan around, greater when i can have him all to myself for 24 hours a day..LOL

day 1
the crazy hot weather welcomed him, made us felt to lazy that we did not go anywhere except touring my school and of cos, went to my fav hang out place--vivo city.

at the roof top of vivo city

day 2
the highlight!! went to vivo city again, to take the monorail to sentosa island. we went to the beach, the images of singapore, the underwater world and the dolphin lagoon. hehe.

so windy he cant open his eyes to take pic with me-.-

it reads 'mun hearts quan' ~cheesy wei~

this is what happens when sand trapped in bush

at last i found where this 'siloso' thingy is

and we found this secret pathway and this is me jumping around happily in the middle of the jungle.. LOL

the earth dragon with me posing in between its eyes

then we went to the images of singapore where we could play with all kinds of wax statue

him cooking


me who didn't even realise he's watching me until i looked at the pic again.. creepy

'tai shiong lou'... teeheehee..wonder what he'd asked

he who insisted he must touch the starfish or he wont budge

the jelly fish

there are so many pictures... blogging can sometime be tiring.. LOL.. more on nex post

3 things first

1. i really really don't understand how people can be sooooo weird. i'm weird BUT, some people are so weird even weirdo like me cannot comprehend. here's the list i could think of
a. ignore you since forever, suddenly come talk to you, then ignore you a few months, then blame you for not keeping contact
b. calling you at 2am in the morning, and asked why i hung up on him(hello.. i dont even know you)
c. treat ppl like shit and expect people to accept it because THEY are family.
d. not working and keep asking family for money. and blame family for not taking care enough summore
e. act all princessy and let people wait for 2 hours. (hello this is not classy at all ok.. this is plain brainless)
f. inconsiderate, self centred and selfish.
g. owe people money and keep telling the borrower 'IOU' while not returning it for wht.. a year!! WTH
h. remembers all the time when you're not there when they need you but forgets how they treat you when they don't need you..
I. getting angry for nothing in this early in the morning. sometimes i cant comprehend myself too.. LOL

2. Party tonight!!!
it's been a while.. think my party cells jus died or sth.. haha.. but woooohoo... it's party time tonight!!

3. the quan-ness of my life
LOL.. just read annthesexy's blog.. wow.. there's other people besides me who think my bf is that amazing..and i'm so so so excited for the ******!yay!!

i've been full of crap lately.. well.. what you expect from a person who has nothing to do after exam and has no extra money to spend and melts in the brightest tropical sun.. she got nothing to do.. except to entertain herself by talking to herself in the munmunland 0.o i'm getting weirder..

i really hate myself for allowing my brain to remember all those annoying people in my life in this early in the morning.

trapped

exam's over.. my second year of uni is gone, it feels like it has passed in just a blink of eye.. i've read from somewhere, it says that as you grow older, a year to you would seem shorter to you compare to a year to a one-year-old.. it kinda makes more sense as i grew older.. i still remember when i was in primary school, in sec school.. a stage where i always wanted to grow up. especially during sec school when i had to greet my seniors whenever i see them, i always wanted to grow out of it and hav somebody to greet me instead.. and thinking that, i've even outgrown the senior status. wow.

ok. i digressed. i am supposed to write about 'trapped' as what the title says.

so. during the first sociology tutorial class, my tutor stepped in, and the first question he asked, 'do you ever feel trapped?' i don't know about the rest of the class, but i was blurred. Trapped?!? i remembered he asked those who feel trapped to raise their hands. i didn't cos i thought, why'd i be trapped? i do everything according to my will. he further explained, there are many unspoken rules that we have to live with in our lives, be it societal norms, school rules, family expectations, gender role and etc. and each of us is on a stage presenting out role out to the society. and that we are so good in our roles that we don't feel bounded at all, for example, something as minor as shaving armpit. there is no explicit rule that girls must shave their armpits but most of the girls do. why? cos the society thinks women should be presented without armpit hair. (yea, gross i know but that is the example i remember from the textbook LOL)


i believed i have always feel restrained in life, trapped in all kinds of expectations which sometimes it suffocates me. i didn't know it's the society power that make us do most of the things in our lives. i wasn't even aware that i was trapped. why did i not just stop studying after secondary school? i don't enjoy studying much anyway. why can't i enjoy school now? why does life get so difficult when we grow up? why do we have to work our ass off in the city while we can live comfortably in the villages? why do people even like their 9 to 11pm sunday to monday job? we are all trapped? why don't we just pull ourselves out of it?

wait, i think i can link the topic to what i wrote above. LOL. crappy writer. as i was saying, i am not ready to grow up yet. i rather go back to when i was a toddler, when i could be forgiven for not playing my role well. as i've grown up, my responsibilities grown out from just pleasing my parents and school teachers. I remember yearning independence cos i have overprotective parents. but now, i sometimes rather everything be taken care of. i don't need to worry i don't have enough money to survive, i don't need to worry i don't have a place to stay, i don't have to worry about what i have to do to secure me a good job in the future. it would be good, if i can just live for the present, not for the past, not for the future.

besides expectations of a 'secure' future( of which i am not very sure i want it because as far as i know, successful people with secure jobs practically work 24/7 besides sleeping eating and maybe shitting), expectations being a good daughter, good granddaughter, good cousin, good girlfriend, good best friend, good friends and etc can sometimes strain you out. but violating the expectations, u feel bad for them and for yourself. by not violating them, it means to be constantly playing your role on the stage and sometimes lost yourself in it.

anyways, i think i'm too free. yea i am indeed very free. i got nothing to do after exam and that makes me very restless .0_0 so restless that i decided to write essay, which, if u know me, i hate essays.

anger

i'm so damn angry.. yes.. with some ppl but mostly, with myself.. i dun hav much character i know, never stand up for myself when people wrong me.. and because of my poor memory history i often couldn't be sure if i really did something wrong, which makes me hesitant to just push away all the responsibility, which as a result... i get blamed for EVERYTHING..

jus because i don't say anything doesn't i'm not mad.. i was trying to find ways to persuade myself to forgive people, and everytime i get mad at somebody, when they act friendly again.. yes.. i would soften up and convince myself.. maybe she didnt mean that? maybe it's just me.. or maybe he was jus not in a good mood.... which i think makes people think i'm a weak person and decided everyone can bully me.. wtf...and i hate myself for that..

i hate confrontations.. i can count the times i confront somebody because i think they do something wrong.. especially less to those whom i'm really close with.. jus because i care and am willing to live with it..but hell..some people are jus soo self-centred that they care nothing except for themselves by taking family for granted.. well.. i don't hope any bad on them.. but i would never pray for them..

to the stupid fucked up NUS business canteen western stall uncle.. screw you.. u're so sucked up just because u have a damn stall which sell pork, fish, chicken and beef that you can't even handle a friendly comment.. screw you.. u're damn pathetic..a

nd just because i keep quiet, doesn't mean you are right.. and just because i apologise.. doesn't mean i take up all the blame..and p/s.. sometimes i just don't feel sorry at all..so pardon me for not giving one when u expect me to..heck..i should really do a personality transformation, even canteen uncle wanna bully me..wtf