"all you did is talk and talk and talk! enough is enough! do you want to close the deal or not?" the man at the other end of the line was throwing a fit. everyone was a little taken aback. i gave out a little chuckle, partly amused, partly looking forward to how my boss was going to handle this man. handled he did. composed and calm. situation was defused and everyone ended the call blaming (jokingly) the lawyers for being overly diligent. here's this man-- my new boss whom i come to admire. always respectful, friendly, soft spoken with a certain quiet confidence. mind you, that's very different from where i came from where testosterones is always raging.  but my new work place seems different. at first i think they do not look the part, not the personalities that you would typically see in the industry. but without the suave pretense, the go-getting attitude is probably what gets them to where they are today. it's interesting to see two polar opposites complement each other in leading the work place. one idealist grand planner and the other, grounded executor. both have complete trust in each other. it also does not seem like there is a separation of work from play and they seem to spend all their time together. i wonder if it's due to my age lol, i am still adjusting to the new place after almost quitting in the first months but i'm glad i stayed. work is starting to get enjoyable again. :)

i was watching this kdrama twenty five twenty one and it reminds me so much of my young self. triggered by the great first love in the series, i started digging my old emails and discovered some really cringey sad emails to the certain someone once special. i did not remember writing those and was frantically double checking whether i did send those out post break up lol. i did not, thank god. i remember feeling sad but from what i wrote, it must have felt like the world was ending around me haha. i somehow ended up in this space again. they say the older you get, the faster time flies and i guess that's true. i am turning 36 and the first post i posted here was when i was 21 (holy shittt!) i was cringing as i read through the rambles i made but i guess having digital record is good as i would not have been able to remember what went through my mind when i was still a young soul. Back to the drama, i feel very related to the lead actors whom feel so much of the emotions when they are together. they supported each other through ups and downs. holding back for each other's sake and showing up for each other when necessary. the relationship was platonic but oh so sweet for most part of the series. i was so emotionally invested in the show that after the episode where they finally got together after 5 years, my heart was still fluttering when i went to sleep. my heart then breaks with them when they drifts apart after just one year when both of them start their professional lives. Fast forward many years later, the lead actress finally finds closure and looks back at her first love and thank him for the fond memories. So much feels. sometimes I do wonder how he’s doing, was I his great first love too? will the distant memories make him smile like how it makes me smile sometimes? 

29th Birthday

So I checked, the last time I blogged I was 26, and now I'm just one year shy of the big three O's. I've said it 10000 times but holy cow.. how time just flies!

When I was 26 I was still at my first job, I remember feeling miserable as hell, wishing to change my job and thinking to myself, anyone else was doing better than I was. I remember celebrating my then manager's birthday and recalled clearly what she told me, 'when you are in your twenties, time just zoomed past. one day you are 21 and next thing you know you are 29'. I remember asking her whether she were happy at where she was. It on stuck me because she seemed so assured, she said she didn't know what she wanted when she was 21 but she eventually did as she turned 29 and she was happy then. She said somehow it just came with age. And so I carried that comfort with me hoping some day it would come to me.

Fast forward today, I just celebrated my 29th birthday (which is kinda a depressing age knowing you will no longer be in your twenties no more) I sure as hell feel that time flies and definitely unsure as hell as to knowing what I want in my life. I mean, I dunno. I have come a considerably long way in my career (not technically successful but definitely not where I didn't want to be), I got a yoga diploma, I got myself a master degree, I got married and I settled down in a country I grew to love. My mom told me I should feel very contented with where I am. And trust me I wanted to, I am almost envious of people who are happy with their model lives (graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, get their lives revolve around their kids, watch kids grow, grow old yourself and just die) ok that sounded soo depressing it's almost offensive but you get the drift.

One thing about getting old is that you start to feel pressed about doing something to your life. And for me, that means spending a lot of money buying books like "find you passion" "find your inner voice" "discovering your inner self" and hoping magically I would get a lightbulb moment and everything just falls in to places. I didn't. Some of my teenage insecurities still crept around, I feel no where near where I thought I would be. As I was searching, I have also come across some articles that say PERHAPS we have been wanting too much, and that causes the unhappiness. well maybe, but i guess you also need to figure out what you really want in order not to want too much? (i'm in a serious identity melt-down")

So for this year, I want to make a wish. I wish that I would discover myself more. I wish that I find my voice amongst the noise of others, I wish that I find my passion that get me out of bed excited every morning, I wish that I would know ME better. That's, uhm.. 3 wishes but I really need to try to not feel the same way this time next year.

Events that need to be remembered

was organising my Iphone photos and I stumbled upon some photos which reminds me of some forgotten events :) So, here's some a little recordings so i would have some reference next time.

Valentine's Day, 2011

Valentine's Day 2012

There you have it :) now I can't be held responsible for forgetting events

Back to school

Just found out I can blog with iPhone woots!

Anyways, I started attending class for cfa which I failed once too many times lol. It felt great to be back in school. Wonder why'd we never feel that way when we were in school.

Boring Sunday

sucks to be stuck in the room at someone else's place, alone, wasting my precious sunday away fml.

sad truth

There’s yet another inheritance dispute in the news lately, between some mistress and the kids. It’s disputed whether the father was pressured into giving the mistress the S$7 million house.

For an outsider’s point of view, it all boils down to greed. Of course, I think the old man (who hasn’t even died for god’s sake) had consented on transferring to ownership of the house to his mistress, willingly. He would have given it to the sons too if they’d asked earlier of course. It really is sad when your loved ones care so much about your wealth when you are dying (that is, not dead yet).

Inheritance is a gift out of love from the person who’s dying who cares for you. If he cares enough for your comfort level in the financial aspect in the future when he’s dying, the least you could do for him is to let him live his remaining days peacefully.

It’s scary to imagine you might turn in to one of them in the future for the name of money because, surely, when they are young and innocent like me now (ahem), they would never imagine to cause such grievance to their loved ones. I mean, for the mistress, if you are already so old and you really love your old man so much, why bother fighting when you can spend your energy to spend the remaining days with your old man.

The children, your parents have already spent fortune raising you from scratch. Inheritance, again, is a gift. It’s your fortune your parents do not need your financial support when they’re passed their prime working age. It is a windfall when your parents have some wealth (however small amount it is) left for you.

It’s strange. It’s like, you’re given a gift but you punch the giver (who are in dying condition) right in the face because the gift is not big enough for you.