a day at home

date: 16/6/2008
venue: new home on the coffee table

here i am writing this piece about my home (new home) in my living room. and this time, i am literally writing with pen and writing pad with my sec school name printed on top of it.

been writing about home quite alot since i left home for studies in singapore. i'm very sure it wouldn't have happened just 4 years back when i was doing my form 6 and couldn't wait to get out of my home and live on my own with all the freedom i longed since forever. i am not complaining really, being in singapore is one of the many blessings i got in life. i've learnt my fair bits, made friends from people around the world, earnt my own allowance, taking of myself and doing chores which i needn't do for myself when i was at home.

the first year was great, i was so glad i finally grew out from my parents' overprotective territory and built one on my own. but as time goes, with freedom comes responsibilities and loneliness. often at times, it overwhelms me. suddenly the surrounding of cruel realities set in, the feelings of smallness and powerlessness suffocate me. the huge shelter provided by parents would feel so far away and i was all by myself. it sometimes scares me, and at tht very moments, i just wanna scream STOP, i want to stop growing up and stay complacent all my life. i wan responsibilities no more.

'practice the pause. when u're in doubt. practice the pause.' that's what a friend told me.

yes. just practice the pause. take a deep breath and welcome the battlefield with the open arms.

I'm in my new home now. but strangely it doesn't alienates me, which is quite surprising as i thought i'd miss my old home which i've lived in for 20 years terribly. but then. i realised maybe i doesnt matter where my house is located, my home is my family.

anyways, on a second thought, location does matter. i wouldn't want my home to be located in the singapore's ugly HDB or in the middle of skyline in the big city. right here, my home is comfortably spacious where we do not need to use bamboo stick to hang our laundry like how it's done in the HDB flat( the most tiring house chores to do) nor using the laundry dryer (i've never seen one till i came to singapore''') here, we sun dry our clothes ON OUR PORCH. LOL. that should sound pretty alien to city people.

here, also lived my family. not my landlord( they are great people don't get me wrong) we are so familiar which each other we walk up and down the house without feeling a tiny lil bit of awkwardness. when i don't feel like it, i could just tell my mom, 'mom i dont feel like doing the dishes today' haha.. of course she'd nag a bit but hey, i wouldnt be worried she'd hold grudges on me or what.

this morning i woke up alone in the house cos was too lazy to go out with my sis and cousin. i took breakfast which was readily on the dining table and went upstairs again for my OTH drama marathon (i've lots to say bout OTH, haha, but later) in the middle of it, mom called, it was the usual 'have u had breakfast? later blah blah blah for lunch ok?' LOL i used to think that was naggy, but now, it warms me=).

went downstairs again cos the room was too hot, made myself a glass of ice water, turned on the stereo, grabbed my long abandoned half read Dan Brown's and lay on the couch. It feels really great being home.

lotsa memory flashbacks. life was easier back then=). and am so looking forward for my one month stay at home. till then, peace.