29th Birthday

So I checked, the last time I blogged I was 26, and now I'm just one year shy of the big three O's. I've said it 10000 times but holy cow.. how time just flies!

When I was 26 I was still at my first job, I remember feeling miserable as hell, wishing to change my job and thinking to myself, anyone else was doing better than I was. I remember celebrating my then manager's birthday and recalled clearly what she told me, 'when you are in your twenties, time just zoomed past. one day you are 21 and next thing you know you are 29'. I remember asking her whether she were happy at where she was. It on stuck me because she seemed so assured, she said she didn't know what she wanted when she was 21 but she eventually did as she turned 29 and she was happy then. She said somehow it just came with age. And so I carried that comfort with me hoping some day it would come to me.

Fast forward today, I just celebrated my 29th birthday (which is kinda a depressing age knowing you will no longer be in your twenties no more) I sure as hell feel that time flies and definitely unsure as hell as to knowing what I want in my life. I mean, I dunno. I have come a considerably long way in my career (not technically successful but definitely not where I didn't want to be), I got a yoga diploma, I got myself a master degree, I got married and I settled down in a country I grew to love. My mom told me I should feel very contented with where I am. And trust me I wanted to, I am almost envious of people who are happy with their model lives (graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, get their lives revolve around their kids, watch kids grow, grow old yourself and just die) ok that sounded soo depressing it's almost offensive but you get the drift.

One thing about getting old is that you start to feel pressed about doing something to your life. And for me, that means spending a lot of money buying books like "find you passion" "find your inner voice" "discovering your inner self" and hoping magically I would get a lightbulb moment and everything just falls in to places. I didn't. Some of my teenage insecurities still crept around, I feel no where near where I thought I would be. As I was searching, I have also come across some articles that say PERHAPS we have been wanting too much, and that causes the unhappiness. well maybe, but i guess you also need to figure out what you really want in order not to want too much? (i'm in a serious identity melt-down")

So for this year, I want to make a wish. I wish that I would discover myself more. I wish that I find my voice amongst the noise of others, I wish that I find my passion that get me out of bed excited every morning, I wish that I would know ME better. That's, uhm.. 3 wishes but I really need to try to not feel the same way this time next year.