As I sat churning my readings, it suddenly hit me, how would things be like if I were to sit at the exact same spot 10 years later? I am perhaps what people would call active pessimistic where I would constantly look at the bad sides even when I am perfectly happy. If I were to come to starbucks in 10 years time, I would probably be alone, my bag might still have that soft toy which I carry with me wherever I go. Will I stare at the toy for so long and cry over the many silly debates I once got into over who was the real buyer of this toy? Things like that always keep me occupied when I zone out from study, so much so that they affect my moods every time when I do that.

Studying today has gone not bad. I felt almost guilty when he kept asking me whether I understand my readings and reminded me constantly to ask mr genius when I didn't. LOL. The problem with me is, I'm so clueless with what's going on with this module that I don't even know what I don't know. Although talking to a super brain did wreck my nerve a lot, studying sure got more interesting with those two, oh, and not to mention the very weird friend who stole him away for one whole afternoon. Seeing him reminds me of another infamous classmate of mine, both of which I don't dare to walk near to.

I'm planning on how to host the guests who I have invited so far. I think I need a long detailed plan or they will kill me for the severe boredom that they would suffer in my hometown.

Exam is coming to an end. The last paper is 4 days away and me being my usual self, feel super lazy to study as every place is full of festive happiness. :D just came back from shopping for suitable outfit for my December trip, it’s been a while since my last girl’s outing, it felt really good

Today is one of those very unproductive days in the study week, it’s especially so when u’re totally burnt out from the previous papers. This last one would be the toughest of all and I do not feel like studying anymore. While I was happily enjoying my life, M being a concern boyfriend, consulted the class genius and made him give me tuition. Lol. It starts tomorrow. :s

A lot came back to me lately, maybe it’s the combination of stress and hormones. The blogs that I read related me back to where I was, there reminded me of the times that I would get scared because I don’t know what would happen someday, scared that he will meet someone else he likes more and leave me. but those are the uncertainties that everyone has to deal with. I have to constantly remind myself not to hold back but believe.

lol…acting emo again, anyways I think I really deserve all the C’s I have gotten in my entire life. It is no wonder I’d never get an ‘A’ in NUS cos ppl who get A study at least 5 times before exam when I never even finish 1 time zzz…

oh and I am going to miss my fateful SIA interview. Sighs, why it always has to be this way?

Story of a Cinderella

There was this once upon a time; she was the gem of the parents until her siblings come to existence. She tried to reason out when people snickered behind her back asking why her parents hated her so much. She convinced herself that maybe the rest of the family members are aliens that were just different from her.

Then there was this period of time when prince from Scandinavia came to town. They met in the frog pond. She gave him a kiss and helped him broke his curse. She thought they would live happily ever after.

They did not. He transformed into a different person. She wondered why he didn't love her anymore. She felt better after she convinced herself that the one who had love her all those while had gone back to his alien planet and what's left in the body was somebody else.

Then she remembers the girl she used to play with in the forbidden garden. There were squirrels, chirping birds, pleasant rodents, singing grasshoppers and lots of beautiful purple flowers. She misses that, but the girl isn't there anymore, so were the squirrels, chirping birds, pleasant rodents and the singing grasshoppers. The strangest thing is, the happy chirpings and the singings and the giggling still linger. She knew where they were, but she couldn't convince them to come back.

She learnt to put herself into others' shoes knowing that she thinks differently from others and she's not capable of convincing others to think her way.

Another prince from Nobut Planet came. He doesn't like to talk much. And so she can't help but wonder if he ever understands.

So what if you have read your readings three times and you who have read the whole 107 pages the reading and think it's necessary for everyone to read it to sit for exam??

Screw you all.

Just like any other study day, I sat at the café by the window studying, sipping hot chocolate while staring out at the walking pedestrians every now and then. Some were chit chatting some were talking on the phone, some were just walking aimlessly, some were sitting on the ram and others are just walking pass. Everyone seemed so carefree and unaffected by the gloominess of the weather. I recalled yesterday, of that daunting moment. Then the flashbacks from some years back came back, I remember they were much worse last time. Beats me, it may probably be I'm immune to it over the years or maybe it's because I have much more faith now. Whatever it is, I hope everything will be alright. J

Some series of events that have happened lately strangely brought me back to that once upon a time. It was the restless silence that I'd never forgotten. I remember the days that were spent with me and myself, and all those silly conclusions and resolutions that I had since made. It came back again lately, when I realized I failed at the only thing that I thought I'm good at. None of the parties were happy in the end, and all ended up just the opposite of it. Maybe it started since I lost total touch from her, it feels a little weird.

I wish, he's good again.

Tests tests tests

Cap M test is coming in 6 hours? It's been such pain to listen to the webcast with the speaker speaking with a high pitch voice and a painfully slow pace. The contents sounded eerily common sense, but experience told me, the actual underlying facts from the lecture are really out of my league. I want to say I regretted taking this painful module, and I know someone who's reading this must be snickering evilly now, just the same like most of the time when I do not 'heed' his advice. Irritating.

School along with the stress has taken its toll on me. I've been coughing my lungs out for the past few days and it won't get any better anytime soon because I refuse to take the medicine as I need to stay awake to pull through this week. Sometimes, emotion gets the best of me and I would start mellowing and feel horribly sorry for myself for every littlest thing in life. It was last week, or the week before and the one before, in the midst of all those moments, I felt assured because of his presence. And I'm very thankful for that. J

Lately I found out something horrible happened to a classmate of mine who's ever cheerful and smiley. It reminds me of all those funerals that I have been to, and the fateful phone calls that I received on that very night. I can't imagine how I would be able to cope if it were me. I really hope he's doing alright.

Small matters in life, like my cap m test for example, are nothing right?