Am feeling much angst from within now, I swear I have never tried so hard academic wise in my entire life. What has gone wrong? Were the exams so easy back then or is it because my brain just refuses to advance with my age?? Haih, I finally got into the minimum grade class that I am supposed to get. But, after all the hard work and seeing all friends doing much better makes me wonder, why can't I do as good as them? The funny thing is, I was hoping only a B while others would tell me how screwed up their life is when they get a A-. That used to be me, oh wait, I almost never whined about my result. What has become of me, my brain -_-.

Mer and Nor have just reached home after their 3 days penang/ipoh trip. It was really fun having them around J I explored the many places which I as a ipoh-ian for 23 years have never been to. We ate like there's no tomorrow, thanks to my very paranoid-bout-getting-hungry mom and dad, especially my mom. I'm sorry u have to bring a bottle of black vinegar back each. She's always been unbelievable like that. Oh and the most memorable part was ipoh train station of cos! It was my first time there too, we were excited exploring the historical building around. Haha. There was a quaint looking hotel right beside the train station. We went in, and found this super old school lift, and what was more amazing was that, it was still functioning! We were laughing at the funny note that explain the lift was as old as our great grand father and the next thing we know, we heard a loud thud, there, we got trapped inside the lift! For a good 10 minutes, until someone came to our rescue. And no, it's not funny.

I have so much I wanted to tell, but it just doesn't feel right when he's away.

The interview came again today. my lifelong dream, but, I don't feel the hype anymore. :s

 

I hate the sounds of the crickets, especially at night. Oh wait, they only make noise at night. Today is one of those days that many plans are made, and in the midst of all that, I realized some things are unchanged, not since the longest I remember.

I'm often asked what had happened to that picture. The picture reminds me of someone who was very present in my life. It was an afternoon, under the old fashioned fan at the old fashioned table. It was one of those awkward conversations like 'how have you been?', 'you've gotten so much prettier' and 'your top looks nice'. I really couldn't remember the exact details of how it went, but it clearly didn't contain any elements of bidding farewells. What exactly did we talk about that close the curtain of that show? I was pacing the right things to say, and on the margin of it all,were the excuses I tried to contain the in between my words. I nearly drove into the guard house before it all ended. It was a sunny day and it was one of the last few times I drove.

Among the many distrusts, there's him who listens. I sometimes get frustrated over my minute presence, but I'm glad I have someone whom I can count on nowadays. J

 

 

Some years ago, I remember being invited by a very special someone to church every Christmas. I've only been there once I think although I very much like to celebrate Christmas, my parents are extra paranoid about us going out at night. There's always problem when u're studying away from home. If you date a guy from home, you'd be separated most of the time, but will spend all the holiday together. On the other hand, if u date a guy who's not from home, then u'll be together most of the time, BUT not holidays. Past experience told me time need to be arranged very well, or things turn ugly. As a person who owns only a body and 24 hours a day, it's sometimes extremely taxing when there are loved ones-- bf, family and friends to juggle. You'd want very much for everyone of them to know they are important to you and that you really tried to spend more time with them, but u ended up getting from each of them complaints about your absence in certain points of time.

I failed once upon a time, I learnt, I amend. But it just doesn't work that way.

you know what they say about learning new things everyday? haha, i learnt how to edit html today! thanks to lai nornor!

Home

This is the first post since I reached home, haven't really had the mood time to sit back and reflect on my life lately. A couple of things happened since I reached home, of family, friends, boyfriends and people in general. It was last week, a full episode of TVB drama screened in front of my eyes. The raging wrath of sisters and the trauma of the old parents from the family feud were overwhelming. It also opened my eyes to the very mundane work of neighborhood police where what they do whole day was listening to stories like who stole whose cows and pretending to be serious while writing the report. As a person who is somewhat involved in this, I myself thought it was super hilarious.

Then I went for holiday with my family. It was nothing more than what I have expected. Maybe it's because I'm a kampong girl like that lol. I really can't imagine myself living in the environment where there are constant human traffic, small roads, polluted air and ugly high-rises. Some people might think the city is bustling with life, but really, I pity the people living in the central area. Again, maybe it's just because I'm a kampong girl who can't stand bustles :P.

Oh, and the stories about travel group organized by travel agencies? They are all true. It's tiring enough to pack everything into 4 days. And these cunning agencies have to 'introduce' us the 'specialties' of the countries. And how they do it with such tight schedule? Wake us up at 630am and if that's not enough, cut down on the visiting spots in the itinerary. That's not even half the story, I still can't get over the photo frame that cost us 230 dollars @#$$%&*. The guy was clearly robbing in daylight, BUT according to Chinese culture, instead of telling him off outright we have to reject very indirectly and if that failed, which was the case, you just have complied feeling reluctantly cheated. Aside from all the tiredness from lack of sleep and dragging our feet and feeling complied to get cheated, you have to bear the surprises and frustrations you get when there's 'miscommunications' between the agencies from home and the country that you are visiting. They can even ignore your overseas calls when they can't give you reasonable clarifications. may all these ppl rot in hell -__-

The highlights of it all were Repulse bay, Victoria's peak and Disneyland. J

I can never explain enough my love for beaches :) (Repulse Bay 9.12.2009)

 

This is taken from Victoria's half peak, because the peak was too misty we can't capture anything. Magnificent night view I gotta say. (9.12.2009)

 

Disneyland the small world. I know everybody says it's nothing great because it's too small, but I really felt like I've gone into fairy tale once. There were a lot of nostalgic moments. (11.12.2009)

 

There were 964 pictures, or was it 994? Lol, thanks to my very diligent sister and me the poser. That's all, all I know is I won't go to Hong Kong for a very very long time.

I think I'll continue my abovementioned reflections in the next post.

Till then!

Guess WHAT?!

EXAM'S OVER! WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ook.. That's exaggerating cos i really dun feel the excitement anymore heh.

anyways, i'm gonna list down THE plan here :)
1. ipoh horfun (the authentic one), popiah
2. ipoh coffee (the authentic one!)
3. caramel custard
4. tau huay
5. dry curry noodles (not very famous but it's super nice!)
6. DIM SUM!
7. chee cheung fun, yong tau fu
8. satays, chicken wings, bak gu teh, rojak and bbq fish!
9. seafood?
10. laksa! my favouritest :)
11. salted chicken
12. pasar malam


ok. nor this post is specially dedicated to you. you got what else u wanna try? i'm so not good in hosting people lol..cos.. ahem.. I barely know all the ipoh places :P

Why does CAP M have to be so hard L

As I sat churning my readings, it suddenly hit me, how would things be like if I were to sit at the exact same spot 10 years later? I am perhaps what people would call active pessimistic where I would constantly look at the bad sides even when I am perfectly happy. If I were to come to starbucks in 10 years time, I would probably be alone, my bag might still have that soft toy which I carry with me wherever I go. Will I stare at the toy for so long and cry over the many silly debates I once got into over who was the real buyer of this toy? Things like that always keep me occupied when I zone out from study, so much so that they affect my moods every time when I do that.

Studying today has gone not bad. I felt almost guilty when he kept asking me whether I understand my readings and reminded me constantly to ask mr genius when I didn't. LOL. The problem with me is, I'm so clueless with what's going on with this module that I don't even know what I don't know. Although talking to a super brain did wreck my nerve a lot, studying sure got more interesting with those two, oh, and not to mention the very weird friend who stole him away for one whole afternoon. Seeing him reminds me of another infamous classmate of mine, both of which I don't dare to walk near to.

I'm planning on how to host the guests who I have invited so far. I think I need a long detailed plan or they will kill me for the severe boredom that they would suffer in my hometown.

Exam is coming to an end. The last paper is 4 days away and me being my usual self, feel super lazy to study as every place is full of festive happiness. :D just came back from shopping for suitable outfit for my December trip, it’s been a while since my last girl’s outing, it felt really good

Today is one of those very unproductive days in the study week, it’s especially so when u’re totally burnt out from the previous papers. This last one would be the toughest of all and I do not feel like studying anymore. While I was happily enjoying my life, M being a concern boyfriend, consulted the class genius and made him give me tuition. Lol. It starts tomorrow. :s

A lot came back to me lately, maybe it’s the combination of stress and hormones. The blogs that I read related me back to where I was, there reminded me of the times that I would get scared because I don’t know what would happen someday, scared that he will meet someone else he likes more and leave me. but those are the uncertainties that everyone has to deal with. I have to constantly remind myself not to hold back but believe.

lol…acting emo again, anyways I think I really deserve all the C’s I have gotten in my entire life. It is no wonder I’d never get an ‘A’ in NUS cos ppl who get A study at least 5 times before exam when I never even finish 1 time zzz…

oh and I am going to miss my fateful SIA interview. Sighs, why it always has to be this way?

Story of a Cinderella

There was this once upon a time; she was the gem of the parents until her siblings come to existence. She tried to reason out when people snickered behind her back asking why her parents hated her so much. She convinced herself that maybe the rest of the family members are aliens that were just different from her.

Then there was this period of time when prince from Scandinavia came to town. They met in the frog pond. She gave him a kiss and helped him broke his curse. She thought they would live happily ever after.

They did not. He transformed into a different person. She wondered why he didn't love her anymore. She felt better after she convinced herself that the one who had love her all those while had gone back to his alien planet and what's left in the body was somebody else.

Then she remembers the girl she used to play with in the forbidden garden. There were squirrels, chirping birds, pleasant rodents, singing grasshoppers and lots of beautiful purple flowers. She misses that, but the girl isn't there anymore, so were the squirrels, chirping birds, pleasant rodents and the singing grasshoppers. The strangest thing is, the happy chirpings and the singings and the giggling still linger. She knew where they were, but she couldn't convince them to come back.

She learnt to put herself into others' shoes knowing that she thinks differently from others and she's not capable of convincing others to think her way.

Another prince from Nobut Planet came. He doesn't like to talk much. And so she can't help but wonder if he ever understands.

So what if you have read your readings three times and you who have read the whole 107 pages the reading and think it's necessary for everyone to read it to sit for exam??

Screw you all.

Just like any other study day, I sat at the café by the window studying, sipping hot chocolate while staring out at the walking pedestrians every now and then. Some were chit chatting some were talking on the phone, some were just walking aimlessly, some were sitting on the ram and others are just walking pass. Everyone seemed so carefree and unaffected by the gloominess of the weather. I recalled yesterday, of that daunting moment. Then the flashbacks from some years back came back, I remember they were much worse last time. Beats me, it may probably be I'm immune to it over the years or maybe it's because I have much more faith now. Whatever it is, I hope everything will be alright. J

Some series of events that have happened lately strangely brought me back to that once upon a time. It was the restless silence that I'd never forgotten. I remember the days that were spent with me and myself, and all those silly conclusions and resolutions that I had since made. It came back again lately, when I realized I failed at the only thing that I thought I'm good at. None of the parties were happy in the end, and all ended up just the opposite of it. Maybe it started since I lost total touch from her, it feels a little weird.

I wish, he's good again.

Tests tests tests

Cap M test is coming in 6 hours? It's been such pain to listen to the webcast with the speaker speaking with a high pitch voice and a painfully slow pace. The contents sounded eerily common sense, but experience told me, the actual underlying facts from the lecture are really out of my league. I want to say I regretted taking this painful module, and I know someone who's reading this must be snickering evilly now, just the same like most of the time when I do not 'heed' his advice. Irritating.

School along with the stress has taken its toll on me. I've been coughing my lungs out for the past few days and it won't get any better anytime soon because I refuse to take the medicine as I need to stay awake to pull through this week. Sometimes, emotion gets the best of me and I would start mellowing and feel horribly sorry for myself for every littlest thing in life. It was last week, or the week before and the one before, in the midst of all those moments, I felt assured because of his presence. And I'm very thankful for that. J

Lately I found out something horrible happened to a classmate of mine who's ever cheerful and smiley. It reminds me of all those funerals that I have been to, and the fateful phone calls that I received on that very night. I can't imagine how I would be able to cope if it were me. I really hope he's doing alright.

Small matters in life, like my cap m test for example, are nothing right?

Overflowing happiness part 2 :)

The girls brought me to a very cozy restaurant called Mykii :)

my fav picture

blogger dun let me upload again zzz.. change to facebook..

ook facebook too zzz

Overflowing happiness :)

As usual, I snoozed for 1000 times before waking up today for project meeting. AND i woke up to these surprises :D

my sister's handmade card :)

ahhaha the thing that i've been wanting to buy but too stingy to

A DRESS! ain't it pretty :))

I went to school and had the @#$^ project meeting which all my groupmates had conveniently forgotten. anyway thats not important :)

my letter sealed with wax^_^

and there's a handmade garden but workmanship abit poor so gotta send back to factory to repair.

And so we went to watch movie, ordered cake for my sister's party and had dinner at my fav restaurant CHILLI's :D:D

Then when he sent me home I offered to have him drop me off at bus stop and walk myself up cos i know he was tired. Just when i came out of the lift he called and asked me to come down cos he forgot to pass me sth:)

'i promised to walk you up when it's past 10pm'

*since when?* lol

After we hugged each other usual goodbyes. I walked into a dark room of these :D





my sister then told me he is hiding outside :D and asked me to open the door for him again.

:D

That's the perfect ending to my day :)

and more to come the next days :D

haha given by my fav nornor and she knows i love mascaras on my slitty eyes:)

I'm the happiest birthday girl:)

Just when I thought I don't have anything to buy for Birthday

sighs

unsurmounted-ness

it's the monster called insecurity that strikes again. there's always this feeling that creeps up every now and then, warped amongst the many happiness, haunting me, pervading me. I looked at others, made up from different DNAs, and wonder why can't I be as smart, as pretty, as bubbly, as lively, as hardworking or even as loud. then, taking a peek over the telescope to the future, I saw what's left is all vague and nothingness. I dwelled on the sudden dull distressful hollowness that haven't been felt for quite a while. As i sighed, he came, enveloped me with the warmth of his. It's this heart-filling explosions that forced me out from the abrupt depressive attack. i know, from here, I shall go on. :)

how did i end up getting that shoes that's 2 sizes bigger?

Beats the shit outta me.

Frustrations

Don't you just hate it when you thought you've gotten something and then the next thing you know, you've lost it again? And it always has to be this way. Fml.

options

'if u can't put mongolia on a wall then there are always a million other colours that you can use; if you can't pay phone bill then just write letters telling them. People forget they have options. And they forget those things really don't matter. They should concentrate on what they have and not what they don't have.'

-If You Could See Me Now, Cecelia Ahern

just before i sleep

I thought of the disturbing dreams on my previous sleep. They were a few completely different dreams, closely related to what is happening now. And funny thing is, this every single dream scared the hell out of me. Well, talking about not doing anything evil during the day.

1. I dreamed about being a spy, doing the 007 mission impossible stunts to steal important documents from my evil aunt. I got busted and the evil aunt with her already very very black hair and face (oh not to mention scary) transformed into a red eye monster. I heroine-ly guarded my bag with my life and hiding it in some place that nobody would look into (some cupboard upstairs in my grandma house) and, I made my escape. I woke up in cold sweats.

2. then there was this long lost friend, sitting beside her new found best friend. Completely ignoring my presence, she was chatting away with the long hair scary looking girl beside her. I was ordered to mop the floor (completely random) which stretches 4 storeys long. I kept moping the never ending floor while watching the girls talk their hearts away in envy. I woke up feeling completely bewildered.

3. I was talking to him just as usual, about school, about politics (well he does most of the talking in this area), about some interesting news we’ve stumbled upon, about books, about life. Then I remembered the question I’ve been dying to ask, and I asked. I waited for the answer. I woke up, never getting the answer.

4. with a bunch of friends I barely know, I danced on the table.. (lol nah that’s my imagination)

They say you dream what you’ve thought about during the day, I guess I have had eavesdropped too much of my mom’s conversation with her sister. It’s affecting my beauty sleep. :s

Ok, maybe it’s me who’s making me lose sleep when I decided to type this stupid piece when it’s clearly bedtime already.

Oh and I invented this new word for my sister. Bimnobo.

LOL.

Testing testing

I discovered this function of Microsoft where I can blog using Microsoft word! Woots!

home:)

it's a tradition to blog on every home-coming. i just got home today, welcomed by my ever welcoming home and family, well not really, my bro used vulgarities on me when i knocked on his door during his afternoon nap zzz (i seriously have no idea what's with guys and their stupid tempers -.-)

house internet been upgraded. wee!

we talked about friends on my way home. friends come and go. we are fated to lose some friends, it could be due to any other stupidiest thing, or even to some reasons u couldn't even recall. I am one of those who's terribly detached from the world, i'm never really a people person and am perfectly contented and comfortable with the few close friends i have. which, really explains why i have so little friends, cos sometimes i think i'd rather spend time with myself than to talk to other people that i'm not so close with. i'm just weird like that.

today, or rather, yesterday, when this conversation came up, i realised too, i did have a lot of friends that i have made during the past years but most of which i didnt care to keep in touch with. an invitation that i usually dont take seriously came up again today, and i'm glad i took it.

i've nearly forgotten how fun it was to be surrounded by people and laughters. it felt good. :)

ZOMG MID TERM BREAK!

are u not relieved when u are given a break when u're almost dead trying to pace up to what is expected of you? just for the record, i've survived (barely) 2 tests and 1 assignment this week. and also a project which was due on friday too, and which i was too busy to deal with.

so anyways tgimtb!

there's a tiny celebration today :D Look what we've gotten today!


my beauty regime :)

i likeeee

ahh, not from today but it's my favorite breakfast i made for myself just few days ago

*bliss* :)

ahhh who's this sexy lady? hmmmm

4.46am

it's a new record :D

Of today

Another weekend has passed by sooner than I have come to realize. I just came back from dinner and supper, wanted to take a shower but someone is outside and I don’t really know what to say or what to ask. So, I’ll just stay put till he or she gets back into their room.

Dinner at uncle’s house was fun, kids are really fun when they don’t cry and when you do not have to work around them. Jo was learning how to walk and I thought of my other cousin whom I love to talk to and who also loves Jo very much. I think he would be very happy if he gets to see that, but i guess that’s not very possible now isn’t it?

wanted to post some photos from just now but blogger's being a bitch again. I always can't post up photos nowadays, anyone shares the same problems? Anyways, the photos are cute, because kids are cute, when they like to camwhore, just like you. :)

photos i haven gotten the chance to post

i will go back again :)

after breakfast thoughts

I started the day hating electronics, I mean, what not to hate about them? they have serious mood-swings, and complicated, they made you can't live without them, they are the most spoilt creature on earth, and one trigger can make you lose everything u have valued so much for so long, just like that. Then I thought of the 4 plastic boxes in the cabinet back home, there were photo albums storing memories of a lifetime. I love flipping them through every now and then, the only thing is, memories stopped after secondary school years, because that was when digital camera existed. I remember taking 100000 photos because it didn't cost a thing, but most of them remain in digital forms, or, lost forever, just because, they are electronics.

There were a lot of dramas going on both back home, and this home in Singapore. It is really sad and ridiculous at the same time, that people who know each other for such long period of time fail to understand and love each other enough, to end up wanting to kill each other.

Then I remember the conversation I had yesterday after dinner, it made me realize how much I would withdraw from definitive statement, just simply because. But, I am happy the way it is, he is. :)

LONG DAY AHEAD

I'm so tired from lack of sleep zzz. It's confirmed chopped I'm at least 10 times more stupid than normal people because i still haven't finished writing the thing after spending like 20 hours on it.

I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake and kicking.

090909

It’s 1.40am and I’m barely halfway through my public policy write-up. The bitter taste of hirameki tea reminds me of some 1 year ago when I was mugging for exams. Oh, which reminds me, that tea is one year ago, it might have already expired. Oh wellz.

The date is 090909 today, it’s a special day :)

I went to watch the time traveler’s wife today, no, yesterday. It was a story about a man who time-travels to both the past and the future, but the sad thing is, he has no power over when and where he’s going. It must have been horrible to have to watch his mother died over and over again and could do nothing to stop it. Then there’s his wife, whom he had met during his time travels, whom he has proposed with—‘for all my life I have wanted nothing as I ‘m so afraid of losing, but with you, it’s all too late, will you marry me?’ when she woke up from her sleep. haha, prolly not even the exact words but it’s something like that. Romantic isn’t it? But too bad she has to bear with his constant random disappearance.

Is it worse to be the one who constantly leaves, or the one who constantly witnesses another leaves?

Hmm. I dunno, I guess I haven’t been the latter one. :p

Ich bin sehr mude

final year

i must have abandoned this blog for so long that blogger decided to take away my decent writing space. really, at first i cant adjust the layout of the blog and now i don't even have a proper layout for my posting page -.-

the fact that i haven't blogged since, my last post is enough to say that i had not fully registered that school has already started. damn. i didn't even had time to make my ritual resolutions. well. not that they are ever realised.

as if you have not heard enough of krabi from me, krabi was great. not as picturesque as it appears to be online, but beautiful enough to make you wish time would stop and you could just lie on the beach there forever. we rented a very nice private cottage on the beach at a very reasonable price considering it's located at one of the most beautiful beach in the island. it's got a very small fish pond at the door step which is connected by a small bridge to the room. the supposed best part was the jacuzzi outside the bathroom but it was so dirty that we only used it once. err, i think pictures would describe better than i do(so says the one who claims to be an english tutor lol) anyways, i'll remember to post up some photos when the someone finally transfer them to me).

and so we started off the trip with a big tip, that tip prolly enough to make the driver grin ear to ear for a full 7 days. haha. then for the first time ever in my life, i ride on a long tail boat (sampan) in a deep blue ocean to get to the hotel. hotel staffs were as friendly as ever, the place were so happy and blue and full of ang mohs, haha, we were like the only asians there on the first day. it felt so nice just walking on the beach watching the sunset, playing with the softest sand, having the strong sea breeze blowing on your face, soaking your feet in the sea water and listening to the most calming music made by nature. :)

the second day, after breakfast, we headed back to the beach and laid there like a starfish (harold, tan 2009). and guess what, they offered massage on the beach! how cool is that? and so i had my first ever full body massage on the beach. they got this very amazing footscrub that scrubs off the deadskin of your feet, as in literal scrub off as u can see the skin coming off from your feet just like the eraser residues. haha yea i'm disgusting but it felt so good to hav a feet practically 1 size smaller after the scrub.

ok i gotta go now. continue when i hav the mood.. lol

My real holiday

yesterday marked the end of my internship, work had never felt more fun. it made me feel well, a tiny little sad to leave office. aha, colleagus were not as bad as i had described in the last post, in fact they're quite friendly after a while :) i seriously thought i had to giv a farewell speech yesterday, and had it all prepared after i saw a giant cake on the secretary's table. well, in the end it really wasn't for us interns. haha, so much for cracking my head to think of reasons to politely thank everyone in the office.

anyways, my nex stop is thailand. yay! at the beautiful south west coast of thailand, situates the beautiful krabi island. and there lies an incredibly beautiful coastline named railay beach, aka, my real holiday! which, starts tomorrow! muahahhah

sneakpeak:

That Special Friend

Have you ever got a friend
whom you keep very special to your heart
that you never keep contact much
but you know they will be there when you need them

i remember sometime ago last year
when i was very nuch suffocated with my own world
that very night that i couldnt sleep
she was there

I remember some years ago for the longest time
i was that scatter who was constantly at lost
I was that klutz who was too lazy to take care of herself
she was there

I am one of those who is very bad in keeping contact
and one of those who make excuses from keeping contact
but today i got a call from her
sorry i make such a horrible friend
Happy birthday my friend :)

1st day as an intern

who would have thought.. malaysians are even more unfriendly than singaporeans? for one whole day today, all i did was saying the remote 'nice meeting yous' along with like 100 handshakes, flipping the 2 thick valuation files over and over again, fighting with all my strength to keep my eyes from closing and finally just stoned there until the clock stroke 5pm. sighs, how can such a big firm be sooooo.. extraordinarily, boring.

it makes me miss vietnam, i miss the adventurous road crossing, the quiet moments, the silly laughs, the heart to heart talks, the new people, tom and jerrys, the night market, and the beef noodles.

i suddenly thought of something, i think my new colleague meant it seriously when she said she wanna avoid me cos i'm a very probable swine flu virus carrier :S

home sweet home :)

don't you just love it when u are at your own home in your own world having your food and house chores taken care of and u can just relax and do things that u don't get to do often like reading a good book?

so anyways, since i just got the time and the resources...

mugging in progress

after exams

lol i came across this when i was searching for my photos.. my bro, he's all grown up now *shed tears* yesterday i measured his height.. 171cm! my bro is so close to becoming a 180 hunk.. hhehehe

my summer assignment duh

“Most of us walk around as if we were sleep-walking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.” (Tuesdays With Morrie)

This line struck me much along with the lecture given by A/P about the need of constantly reflecting on things we encounter because of the too many things that we remotely do every day. Many who come across me I believed would describe me as a person with few words or more crudely, boring. Holding a conversation sometimes poses great difficulties as I often have problems organizing my trains of thoughts in a short time and hence have problems putting my message across. I was being rather cynical at first when the professor told us how he spend a fraction of his time on daily, monthly and yearly basis to reflect on what he has done so that he would have a clear direction of where he is heading to. It occurred to me that it is extremely wearing to have to have such disciplines in life and why wouldn’t it be correct to just lead a life of spontaneity and carefree. Then I realized that allowing my train of thoughts to drift off constantly hinders me from connecting well with people and to a certain extent, experiencing life. Therefore I came to a conclusion that, a rigid fixation of time for me to do reflections is mighty impossible, but, a reflection once in a while would be great..and so! it's time for me to shop for a nice journal book!

note: this is a fraction of the journal i'm supposed to hand in by the end of the program..well.... prolly have to take out the last part :D

my face

honey relieves skin sensitivity and allergy, but on mine, it works the other way round

:(

hello red face
i look like one of the creature in star trek

three years, out

Summer holiday has started about a week ago, and the strangest thing is, the feeling of freedom was not as over-whelming as how I remembered it had been like. I started to reminisce the first few days of stepping onto the ground of this island as a student. It’d be rather cliché to say that felt like yesterday. But, truth is, I often caught myself running out of breath trying to pace up to what I’m expected to.

Sometimes, when I thought I have changed, for better or for the worse, I’d fumble into something or someone and realize, hey, I’m not that different after all! I have been that much of a person probably since birth, just that then I was less self conscious and was much more spared when I was a child.

Today’s plan did not work out like what it was supposed to, and changed to a movie called ‘Tabei: Our Mother’. It’s a story about how a mother has endured hardships during world war when her husband was sent to detention and has later died. It struck me how obediently people were expected to act during the time. Girls were to act so reserved that they walked in small steps, talked softly, avoided eye contacts and worse, constantly sat on their folded legs? It caught me thinking, didn’t any of them feel tired at all? Then there was this kind soul, the husband’s student, who had taken great care of the family while he was gone. I never thought much of his intention, until M whispered to my ears, why is this guy so nice to the family? Then when I finally figured they probably have feelings for each other, the movie ended with the mother breathing the last breath wishing she could meet her husband one last time.

There are always times when I reflect upon different relationships (friendships, family, love) that I have had. I remember being whelmed by lyrics like ‘love is just a feeling’ or lines like ‘people always leave’ and then took pride in understanding what it meant while disregarding them as overrated emotional propaganda that people exaggerated. As time goes by, as stupid as it sounds, I began to fear the loss, the feelings of abandonment, the broken heart, the disappointments, the failure that come either from or to me. Tell me, if soul mate exists, how would anyone survive if his or her such thing called soul mate dies?


‘I don’t want to meet him in another world. I want to meet him one last time in this world..

the second last paper of year 3

I guess it’s time to give an update in case my dear friend get poisoned from the stale news. And why not, it almost feels like holiday having just one paper left which is like 6 days away?

I just had my research paper today, it was disappointing, I am disappointing. I’ve been telling myself again and again how I am not going to screw up again this semester and yet, I screwed up. 3 papers in a row.

I’ve been going to a lot of different places to study, from school benches to different cafes. Having burnt so much of midnight oil, it got my face all disfigured. Haha, well disfigured is probably exaggerating but it’s so bad that you can’t find a clean spot without a blackhead or a white head. It’s depressing.

So despite being miserable from the traumatizing paper, I totally forgo the last page of the paper for fuck’s sake, I still recognized the fact that my face has gotta be fixed. So, I went to buy this facial scrub from a brand called A’kin. Anyways I bought it because the packaging was nice lol. Typical. It feels really good after the scrub, my face feels smooth and oil-less for 2 hours already. I see light for my face. Yay!

Anyways, speaking of my face, me and my sis went to New York skin for a supposed free facial. Before that we had expected the pushy selling of their products, and determined that we would not get pushed into paying anything, the spirit of stingy-ness. Little did we know, the supposed 1 hour consultation and 1.5 hours of facial turned into a never ending saliva-splashing salestalk. I was trying freaking hard to be extremely patient for I just got persuaded into ‘trying’ their SGD 85.60 (I think I’ll remember that for the rest of my life) but they were jus unstoppable bitches. I tried checking the time every other second, I tried the act fidgety ( I was really fidgety) and in the end, I just asked, could you make it faster I seriously gotta go and I can’t make my decision today, bitch! ( lol the last part under my breath of course)

‘oh so you really don’t wanna save your face?’

I’m telling you those are just bitches! My SGD85.60 and my injured self-esteem (they kept commenting like it was the end for my face and worse, they can’t detect any collagen on my face!)

Well..that’s also how I started my faithful relationship with soya bean.

Till then!

i'm blessed on a good friday

it's a public holiday in singapore, not that i was spared from all the work, but, it's a happy day :)

i pretty much did nothing at all and slacked the whole morning and afternoon off. jus when i decided to wake up from my lazy nap, someone called. guess what?? it's lilian from JONES LANG!! muahhahahahaha... and there! i got the job! happiness! hehehhehe

after waiting for 4 hours in hunger (hadn't had anything proper the whole day) someone finally decided to show up and off we went to starbucks to study, no, to work on the pain in the ass project.

we went for a hang gai after the starbucks closed at 1230 :) don't you just love walking down the city minus the usual rat race in the day, with only you, the night breeze, the trees, the bats (lol) and the conserved buildings? ;)

it's been long since i last did that, despite all the work in mind, i'm contented.

the lazy way to keep track of my own life

1. got a place in summer program to go vietnam :)
2. blood pukingly finished the 2 projects, left with 2 more (30/3/2009)
3. jones lang from kl called but calls got cut of so many times that they got pissed and decided to scratch me off their list.
4. got sent to emergency unit on april's fool day (1/4/2009)
5. went to see doctor 2 times in a week (super duh)
6. unconsciously developed the habit of walking and eating 8 times the speed of normal people.. until my sis told me going out with me is very stressful.
7. too many late nights lately, but with a efficiency ratio of less than 0.1
8. told mom i got into emergency unit after a week and naturally she got a shock
9. still blood pukingly doing the bloood puking projects
10. haven't started on studying for exam at all (10/4/2009)
11. i called jones lang again and they said they will consider my application. i'm supposed to call them back nex week. again, pray!
12. i realised that i dun look forward to the end of sem at all cos it means near graduation. and i'm far from the state to graduate :S
13. let me get jones lang plsssssssss pretty pretty plsssss.

u know one thing about lawyers?
they can chain a thousand words into a sentence without a fullstop or even a comma
-_-

here she goes again

you know there are times when no matter how loud your inner voice is screaming to ask you to buckle up but u just won't bulge your fat ass even for a little? this is exactly what happened today -_-. i freaking slacked the whole day off! what a pig man!

what happened to the plan of dining in yew tee? what happened to the plan of finding a nice cafe to do stuff? what happened to getting started on your freakinn ethics project??!?!? what happened to giving tuition every weekend to earn shopping money??

well.. at least the last one was not my fault. although i was a tiny lil bit happy that the kid canceled tuition again-__- (yes i am that lazy)

so lately i attended this briefing about internship and summer program and we are told that we only get to choose one of the 2. i think many people are wrecking their brain on which to choose cos summer program is fun and u get to suck up to a very important professor that could help u get a job in the future. on the other hand, internship is extremely crucial to help you get a chance of getting employed in the future. being a small little nose shit in the class (LOL sorry i dunnO where did that come from), i had to figure out which is the least popular amongst the two and pick that so that the chance of getting that would be higher. how pathetic is that? haha.. that's wht you do when you know you're not competent enough. sighs.

so naturally.. oh should i say it out here?? what if there are actually a lot of my classmates reading this LOL and that would decrease my chance summore.. hmm.. better play safe.. LOLOL.i'm not very sane again dammit.

fuck that..

AS IF

so my analysis is:

Summer program:
1. 3 weeks
2. fun
3. not very useful
4. increase interaction with professor
5. possibility of ending up rotting at home for almost 3 months after the 3 weeks
6. selection based on balloting

internship:
1. 9 weeks or 12? nvm.. it's alot longer
2. get exposure
3. something on resume
4. selection based on grades

i mean.. any sane people will go for internship right?! so i pray that people in my class, you please choose wisely as your decision may not only affect you but will also affect this tiny little nose shit (sorry i think albeit the grossness it's very apt to describe me) too!

CHOOSE WISELY PEOPLE! CHOOSE THE ONE I'M NOT CHOOSING!

a saturday too quiet

it's been long
i wan to feel the breeze on my face
to listen to the soft whispers of sea waves
to lay my feet on the soft sand
to stare into the horizon
and to breath in the night moisture

i wanna go to the beach
:)

retail therapy at its best

u know what they say. when the going gets tough, the tough gets shopping! haha.. i just really had to go vent it out when i was wrecking my brain on finance law tutorial-_-. it really makes you feel you are the most stupid being in the world sometimes.

and so! i decided to sneak out for 1 hour to have a LIL treat for myself after my tuition session today. so i bought a pair of havaianas slim and aldo handbag! both with 20% discount while my sis bought her mac blusher.. teeheeeheee..my prettiness bag

my overpriced slippers :P but it claimed to last more than 2 years.. so it makes good investment right?? hehe..

my sis and her new sexiness blusher

caught in the mood
hehe.. heels on display
the present :)
the sister! she ask why she looks so pretty.. which, i dunno how to answer her -_-

today something really scary happened, i got stalked, first time in singapore man..and by some indian pervert! i realized it right from the time i tapped my card.. i tried to ditch him like 3 times by walking away to the opposite direction but to no avail. so freaking scary can. and he just sat opposite me and visually raping me. i know. i was too chicken to do anything. i mean, what if he suddenly went berserk and pulled out a bottle of acid! fucking pervert. men are perverts!

end of story.

i was shaking in fear for that 40 mins train ride.

damn u all perverts.

ook.. time to go back on finance law sexy tutorial.
:)

oh and p/s of cos the shopping went on for more than 1 hour-.-
who am i kidding?

feeling absolutely cranky

the weather is so gloomy lately, it's very aggitating especially when you have tons of things to do and you are constantly feeling tired and achy. and of cos, pms-ing. (and stop asking me what's pms, u idiots!)

woke up feeling very sleep deprived today. it's probably because of the thought of having to go through a thousand things on the list. i am trying to develop habit of making a mental list of the plan of the day every morning which should help me from forgetting everything in life. oh and i just got a 3.50 fine for late return of book which i could have totally avoided that if my brain works like normal people -_-.

'oh it's nothing scary like jumping off the plane. i only jump off the mountain.'

haha.. this is from my German lecturer when asked about her favorite sport, which, is fliegen (flying). how cool is that!

looking at my mental state now, i guess this is another babble nothing piece.

you know you are stupid when you're constantly analyzing every detail hoping to find the answer you want when the answer is right in front of you. sometimes you wouldn't even apprehend the groundless expectations you have developed as days go by. or, the lack of it. and that most of the times, you are just a rule. but when you are an exception, the chances are, you have found the one.

just some after thought of the movie (he's just not that into you)

god.. i need an energy boost....

gasp! it's ___ already!

i think tht's probably the line which i use too much, well u know u can't blame a person who is at constant semi conscious state. i think i'm only conscious when i get to buy new stuff.. oh that's not exactly true cos i always regret the money i spend. so. stop. i. am. semi. conscious. now. things been going well. i bought the foundation i want, bought the red heels i have ALWAYS wanted (it's marc jacob!), watched he's not that into you (omgureallycantmissit!), bought some of the little things from the list i built in my previous post. LOL. oh and got the high waist military skirt i bought ages ago online! yea. so things like these happi-fy me. :)

on a more serious note, i think i should really get my ass on searching for an internship and apply for summer programmes already.

ok.. i gotta digress abit.. i jus opened my hotmail and i found this omg! LOL

Hi dear,
how are you today i hope that every thing is ok with you as it is my great pleassure to contact you in having communication with you, please i wish you will have the desire with me so that we can get to know each other better and see what happened in future.
i will be very happy if you can write me through my email for easiest communication and to know all about each other, and also give you my pictures and details about me, here is my email (winnyand02@yahoo.com) i will be waiting to hear from you as i wish you all the best for your day.
your new friend Winny.

ahhahhahahaa.. what the hell is this???

hmm.. wht does it mean by having desire with her or maybe him :S??

ok nvm. ISHALLSTOPBEINGSUCHABITCH.

anyways..

this post is just to annoy the hell out of you. and me. cos i got nothing. scratch that. cos i got no mood to do serious stuff and cos someone is out buying STUFFS leaving me alone at home-_-

home home =)

imma home! days been pretty packed with things. saturday was a cousin's wedding, sunday was a relative's son one year old birthday. so needless to say, i gained my normal weight again =)

homecoming becomes less and less exciting, i love my home in ipoh dun get me wrong but what i meant is home as in the bigger family home in some place some distance away from ipoh. a place where my mom grew up in and where i spent alot of my childhood days in. i witness the ugliest scene a family could have, how ugly things between ones that were once so close to each other could end up be, how ugly someone can be from the outside and worse in the inside, home politics in the midst of goverment politics (both equally intense and ridiculous and not to mention, shameful) and how disrespectful grown up children could be towards parents of old age. i think i'd never forget the ear piercing screaming angry voices, the finger pointings and the aged's disappointed sighs.

so anyways, other than the same old boring story, i suddenly realise i got so much to buy with my ever so limited monetory reseources. LOL. i just put my list here in case i ever forget.

to buy:
1. chanel double foundation compact or clarins truly matte liquid foundation ( i cant seem to make up my mind -.-)
2. make up pouch
3. mineral blusher
4. make up brush set
5. eyeliner
6. hawaianas slippers
7. facial products travel kit
8. kose black masque
9. shorts and bras!
10. new wallet and a new handbag

to do:
1. finance law project
2. write my intership applicationsssssss
3. check out summer programme
4. study research method and do the goddamn tutorials
5. do all the tutorials
6. and the projs :(
7. call grpmates to postpone the meeting
8. call someone named GK to arrange proj meet.. toast to our second collaboration LOL
9. watch he's not that into you! yay!
10. study for valuation

alright tht's about it.. i actually feel guilty slacking at home during term break :S

the day i am going home =)

guess what! me+burger king (again)+ bed+class in 1.5 hours+computer+blogger! hahaa.. haven't been doing this for a very very long time i think..

so i'm going home tonight, will have to skip research class at night again (which u can't blame me cos 1. i really have to go home to attend my cousin's wedding. 2. night classes are bitch, friday night classes are total dread. 3. the lecturer's a bitch too LOL) been going home quite often for the past few months, but the stays have been short and brief including this of course. i have tons to catch up on so will only stay for a few days.. i've been starting to struggle since..the first week of school?? hahaa..and the work this semester piled up so fast that i don't have time to whine.

...

i can't write -_-

so a few things i had to get before i go home (all of which, i haven't gotten yet cos i dun have time)
1. Q's present
2. mom's oilment (4 bottles-.-)
3. bro's loafers??
4. bus ticket?!

yea.. sad to say, i haven't gotten any of the above yet. sorry. not that i don't love you guys but i've been busy. but seriously, why am i so busy?? -.- not that i got alot of things done.. ithinkifailmygermanvocabtestagain. GArrrr.

ok. i seriously forgot how to write. so updates lately:

1. my sis said we lost touch cos we never see each other anymore. haha. WH i totally understand how u feel with lj!

2. spent the first Vday of my life. like really a Vday Vday =)

3. busy with school. well. kinda. more like struggling all the time.

4. internet shopping is fun and cheap and easy. which the culprit really is my sis not me, i only wear and pay.. occasionally. LOL.

5. missed 'he's not that into you' yesterday cos everybody decided to watch midnight show suddenly -_- imagine the sian-ness!

6. someone pisses off too many people, and i hav to bear the neverending nagging.

7. i have to buy new makeup

8. my slippers splitted into half when i was in school alone. it was traumatising.

9. been swimming with WH =) i still can't really finish one lap without taking a break in the middle.

10. my face is crap.

11. malaysia's political scandals amuse me all the time. especially the last one, naked photos--> sex scandals? it's apparently a very immoral act to sleep naked and have your photos taken so much so that people can threaten your position in politics with just the photos? seriously, can't they play a smarter trick????

ok that's all. please do pardon my lack of writing ability. :P

there's very little time when i'm alone lately, sometimes i am really thankful for that, but there are times i wish i can pull back so i could have some time reflecting on myself. i went to munmunland again. there, i walked pass famous amos, the smell of fresh baked cookies gave me a jolt, a jolt that reminded me the naiveness of a childhood idealism. then i walked pass that key grinding shop, i couldn't really recall what had happened there. and so i walked again, enticed by that familiar scent and that familiar warmth hmmm:), the field were so green at the other side, just like oldtimes. i missed that run i used to make when i was little and so i rushed there. but alas, i ran into a big infinite clear glass and gave myself a swollen head. then i turned around, there was this huge theme park with a giant roller coaster and this lovely mary go round. the beautiful unicorns were dancing elegantly on that platform, children were smiling and waving their hands at their loved ones and so were the loved ones did the children. i wanted so much to get a ride and so i walked there. the unicorns stopped dancing and frowned upon my presence. they weren't so hostile the last time i saw them. everyone surrounding me was minding their own business, each was too preoccupied to acknowledge my presence no matter how much tantrum i threw or how loud i screamed. then i ceased all that. i braved myself and took the roller coaster, it is a neverending ride. my heart drops everytime it takes a turn or dives to the deepest hollow. but for that few seconds when it doesnt turn nor dive, the beautiful scenes over the green field, takes my breath away. it is an exciting ride nonetheless.

the 25 facts about me

cos i got tagged and i dun like exposing myself on facebook (facebook is scary)

1. i'm turning 23 this year and the thought scares me time and again
2. i love school (prefer school) and i dread the the thought of needing to start work after graduation.
3. i dun talk when i'm lazy. (which really happens abit too much)
4. i babble when i'm high from whatever that makes me high at that moment.
5. yea. by the time i reach here u'd already have known i'm lame. and boring.
6. i love walking on the beach and i try to walk on the beach once a week or every other week.
7. i tend to say stupid things which piss people off.
8. i swam 2 days ago, and my body ache till now -_-
9. i am a typical libran who is terribly indecisive.
10. i do not drink coffee, especially coffee with milk.
11. i'm a very insecure person.
12. someone told me he thought i was an autistic the first time we met, my grandma thought i was a mute when i was a baby. LOL.
13. i embarrass myself a bit too often.
14. i'm a scatterbrain who can't remember any details of my life. jus recently, i was late to the first 3 lectures of my german class and missed my first german tutorial class. cos i couldnt remember the venue or the time of my class.
15. i secretly wish every once in a while that time would stop so i can stop lagging behind everybody, and so that i can steal a few dresses from the stores and nobody would know.
16. i think i'm a better confidant to my male friends than my females friends cos there are more guys who'd tell me their problems as compared to girls who do.
17. i'm an anti social freak.
18. i'm not as good as i appear to be.
19. i've always dream of going different places in the world. :)
20. i'm known for my laziness, absentee-ness and messiness.
21. i love to talk or listen to my parents talk. cos they are really the cutest couple.
22. although u may never realise it, even if u hang out with me very often, i'm fat in certain area.
23. i hate it when people are over boastful and thinks they know everything.
24. i dislike ginger ALOT.
25. i wish i am prettier, i have more money and that i am more intelligent.

still not blogging

ishh.. i'm going to break my record of not blogging for a month-_- and i turned so lazy i dun even wanna talk and it really makes one boring, more boring than i already am.

so let's talk about the family and chinese new year. i'm not really a fan of chinese new year except for the cousins gathering and the angpow. the rest of the events are seriously very very dreadful for me.

i reached kl last thurs, thinking to shop for new year clothes( i didn't buy any new clothes for the festive which showed how much i not care about cny lol) but we were too tired after taking a one hour bus from the airport and a sardine packed train(the train is so cute and mini it only had 3 cabins i think) ride from kl central. my cousin brought us to madam kwan which he claimed it's his must-visit-restaurant everytime he goes back to kl. it was good but a little too pricey for a nasi lemak and an assam laksa. then there was my all time favourite famous amous lol. not that they don't have it in singapore, but spending money in malaysia is alot easier than spending money in singapore. we planned to go haagen daz too, lucky jenny called in time. lol.

so the rest of the days were spent eating, eating and oh eating??! no, i actually did more than that, met with Q, met with a few sec school mates whom i've never bother to keep contact with after sec 5, put a few aeroplanes on a couple of meetups, did facial (my face is crap nowadays-.-), crapped with my cousins, played with josephine (our latest toy), eat ALOT like literally from morning till night, listened to the latest dramas of the family and get nagged by my mommy.

this year family of both sides are quieter than usual, some flew away for holiday, others just can't be bothered cos the family is in war. LOL. they always say our family is worse than what happen in the hk dramas. but scratch all that. i think our cousin-ly bonds are still quite well. :) sometimes i think we should really treasure what we have now as sometimes the closer you get, the worse you'd treat each other when things are not going right. and the saying that money is the root of all evil, and of cos happiness (only applies to me lol) has some truth in it. sometimes having less money do alot more good to the family. it's kinda sad really to see what had become to the family in a festive season like cny. sighs.

on a brighter note, scratch that again. on a darker note, i'm in singapore again! school has never been more fun! *convincing self* i printed all the tutorials yesterday and started some of them. 2 of the tutorials ask us do a self introduction. LOL. below were conversation i had with merv.

me: hav u done harold's tutorial.
merv: yea. you?
me: half.
merv: huh? which half?
me: the self introductory part. i wrote my speech.
merv: -_- loser.

apparently, you don't write you speech when u introduce yourself.
oh well.

writer's blog, block..

i logged in on the 1st
then the 2nd
then the 3rd
then the 4th
then the 5th
...
u get the flow
cos there's so much i want to say
but i don't know how to put it in words